hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
