I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
