you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize