Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
