fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
