Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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