My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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