I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
