Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I bet he comes in French.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
