I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
