why didn't you poke me back
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
