in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I am naked and annoyed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
