Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
