i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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