I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize