my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am one with the molecules
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
