I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
