im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
