fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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