Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
