you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
