I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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