Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize