Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
