She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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