Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
