My liver just broke up with me...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
