the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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