Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
