Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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