I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
