I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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