I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
