You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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