we have officially lost it.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
