WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
