we're chasing vodka with high fives
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
