weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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