He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
