Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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