I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
