I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize