I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
