You really coming over, don't trick.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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