I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
