I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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