Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
