grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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