Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
