I CAN MOONWALK!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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