dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
