You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize