I seem to have left my pride at pride
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
