Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
