i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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