Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
