So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
