I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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