He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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