Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
