Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
