me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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