we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
