why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
