I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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