I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
