i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
