Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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