the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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