Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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