four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
