He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
