so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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