So drunk its hurt
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
