RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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