which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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