Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im six kinds of drunk right now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
